i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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