im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
