i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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