This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize