How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
