and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
