Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
