I will die if light touches me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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