i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
