Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
