He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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