Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
