i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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