the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
