Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
