So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
