none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
