I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize