Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
