i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
