Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
