he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize