Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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