i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
