Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
