I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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