you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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