Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
