thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
