just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
