i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think my moral compass just broke
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