Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
