Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i love accidental penises.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
