She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
