i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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