its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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