Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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