Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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