Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
