it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
