I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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