So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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