Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
