I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
