I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
