is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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