it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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