just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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