This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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