Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
