Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
