good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
