no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
