Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
