sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
