And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
