even my farts smell like vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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