I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
