Umm I'm too high to move.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
