Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
