All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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