why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
