tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
