You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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