she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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