All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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