The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
