i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
