Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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