There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
