Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
